#1 Passing Eye Contact

The first thing you need to get under control is comfort when approaching women. You need to get yourself to the point where you can walk up to a woman and start talking to her without turning into an emotional wreck.

If you’re freaked out on the inside, it’s going to be hard for you to act “normal” on the outside. It’s going to be even more difficult to try new things and use techniques if you aren’t able to relax.

Begin to face your fear of approaching women by just simply smiling. Not a big teeth smile but more of a smile with your eyes and subtly with your mouth. It’s like a smile that exudes an appreciation  for her beauty and nothing more. You can do this as you walk by on the street or anywhere in public. It’s refreshing for a woman and you will eventually get yourself to the point where you can smile AND say “Hi” …but one thing at a time.

#2 Passing Eye Contact & “Hi” combo

Next, keep eye contact with a woman while you are smiling and then say “Hi”.

Again, you can do this as you walk by in public where women feel safe. You are going to have to commit to doing this A LOT until you beat your fear of women being unapproachable. A couple extra seconds of eye contact when saying “Hi” will do.

And do this with no expectations. Just say “Hi” until your are comfortable saying hello.

#3 Say something

After you are comfortable it is time to take this to the next level.

Go someplace like a coffee shop, grocery store or bookstore. At a coffee shop for example, most people need to visit the cream and sugar table. This is where you can have eye contact, then say “Hi”, then take a deep breath and make a comment or ask a question.

Keep it simple, comment about the weather or how much you love your morning coffee. You can do it! Don’t worry about starting a lengthy conversation; you are just wanting to progress from “Hi” and involve a few more words.

If she is responsive, ask her if she lives in the area or if she’s visiting. Ask her what her name is — simple stuff. Men worry about coming across as creepy at this point and as long as you are just being  genuine and fun, she will enjoy the interaction while you practice your skills.

With practice, these Three Steps will help you in overcome your fear of approaching women.

Just remember, take it step by step, have fun with it and let me know how it goes!

Live Love,
Christine

www.YourDateCoach.com

How long do you suggest waiting before having sex? And what is your opinion on having sex on the first date?

A general rule is to refrain from having sex until you are in a committed relationship. NEVER have sex on the first date if you’re interested in a long term relationship with that person. Sex always changes the dynamic between two people and you need to go in with your eyes wide open.

However, each situation is different (how often you end up seeing each other, the emotional attachment level that develops). Boys will try to initiate sex since it’s in their DNA so women need to hold back. They will value you more if they have to wait.

I met a guy at a local bar, we hit it off and I ended up going to his place and we had sex. Now I’m regretting it because I really like him and wished we would have waited… We have seen each other a couple times since and I think he feels the same way. Do you have any advice on how we might be able to salvage a real relationship out of this?

What’s done is done and you can’t change the past. So in an attempt to move on, try to start over. Get to know each other first.  Plan dates that revolve around an activity and doesn’t involve alcohol (your defence mechanisms get weakened; limit of two drinks per person max wherever you are). Make a rule to avoid going to each other’s places so that you won’t be tempted to hop into the sack. You need to focus on establishing an emotional attachment first.

Judging by your email either you have on guy in mind or it’s something that happens to you often.

Understanding that your questions embody dating frustrations, I suggest resisting the urge to make generalization about guys.It would be no different than a guy saying “why do women send mixed signals, why do they say they like you but don’t want anything serious? Are they crazy? Are they just looking for a guy that has more money than me?”. Obviously, not all women are that way.

Regardless of gender, this is a destructive mindset that leads one to see any potential candidate through a jaded lens. Hurting in turn their chances to recognize good candidates when meeting them. So to answer your question, not all men are commitment phobic and send mixed signals.

To better understand this statement, let’s take a look at two types of men:

• The “players”
• Those genuinely looking for a relationship

Only those who are not looking for a relationship and still want to play the field can be seen as sending mixed-signals and being non-committal. They’ll keep on being that way mostly because not only fun is on their agenda. And it doesn’t matter what you do or say, they are like a horse that can’t be tamed. In this case the only thing to do is to distance yourself from this type even if it means cutting all ties.

In the event you think you should still hold on to the relationship, he could disappear from your life, respect your position and become a friend, respect you more and want to be exclusive with you. Still, you’re running the risk of going through a lot of heartaches and headaches. So wouldn’t be worth it putting all your energy into attracting a man who is ready to settle?

As far as the man genuinely looking for a relationship, it may seem as if he doesn’t want to commit or is looking for something better simply because:

• Is not ready to commit for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Maybe he wants to sort out his finances first or have more stability in his career for example.
• You simply aren’t the one he sees himself being with long-term. He could be waiting and looking for “something” better as you put it. And similar to the “player”, he’s staying in the relationship because the status quo works for now. If this is what you’re experience, it’s your right to end the relationship and look for what you deserve to have. A man who is with you because of Love and not out of convenience.

So to avoid having “players” or those commitment phobic drive you crazy, determine what type of behaviors you expect from a man YOU want to have a committed, loving and safe relationship with. Then know that the right man for you will respect your position and there will be no mind-games.

Love comes naturally. We may have no control over other people’s behaviors but we certainly can determine what behaviors we are willing to accept or not. This is having control over your dating life.

I hope you find this helpful. Please keep us posted on any updates you may have.

Producers pulled a fast one, and in one fell swoop…turned Bachelor Pad into the Newlyweds game.

So originally, the Bachelor Pad was one big orgy-love-nest (Big Brother), where the goal was to hook up with as many toned bods as possible. Then it was a high school popularity contest in a Cali’ setting (so….90210). Now, they have embraced the ‘power couple’ strategy giving the decision making to those who have ‘found a mate’. Last night , all those without a partner/lover were ousted.

Only couple remain, and the pairs are now forced to continue their relationships (whether they like it or not!) as a team. They compete together, they vote together, they leave the game together.

So, apparantly that gives everyone an excuse to make out in every corner of the house- romantic filler and slightly uncomfortable TV.

The only people not getting it on….Jesse B and Peyton. Ironically, they are the ones on the chopping block…oh, and he burped in her face on their last date. Tonight, he taught her how to eat a banana the way the primates do…making himself even less endearing, and more of ‘just a pretty face’. You know those guys.

Kypton is still bugging the heck out of me, but what doesnt help….is his chosen mate. Is there a more aggrivating chracter on TV right now than Tenley? She had a fan club, a following persay after her season. People were on her side. She danced for Jake, she ‘gave herself to him’ she got over her heartbreak…and then was dumped for the likes of Vienna. But now she’s on the prowl and is letting her personality loose. It’s embarassing, and perhaps the reason why Kypton opts to shut her up by tying up her lips at every minute of the day/night.

Elizabeth and Kovacs are touted as ‘solid’ because theyve been ‘hooking up’ for like, 6 months. But have you watched them together? She rules him through fear and manipulation. He uses her for her …ummm…”affections”. And half the time she’s in tears and he’s accusing her of being the ‘target’ on his back.

Dave and Natalie won the challenge (water balloon toss… doesnt need an explanation, it’s exactly what you think) and got to ride a Lambo (well, Dave drove and had a love affair with it…while Natalie watched) to another mansion. These dates are getting less and less creative. Another hot tub scene…yawn. Natalie tried to ‘talk strategy” and ended up getting the ‘shut up and kiss me’ treatment from Dave (utilized to perfection by Kypton).

So no real surprise at the Rose Ceremony… the Boys club stayed the course and voted out the Pretty Face and his Lady. Jesse B and Peyton.

So, will Barbie and Ken (Tenley and Kypton) prevail? Will Dave continue his bro-mance with Kovacs and stick around one more week? Or will Elizabeth her man and her money next week?

A few critical problems surfaced and reared their ugly heads during last night’s episode of The Bachelor Pad. Perhaps you can help me figure this out.

1. Why do I find myself liking Wes after I was his veheminent critic in his season?

2.  Why am I starting to think Tenley has the brain capacity of me and my gaggle of friends at age 13?

3. Why do I hate Kypton and think he has the worst moral compass of the group?

4. Why in the heck am I feeling bad for blonde , naked -on-a dime Natalie ?

5. Why am I starting to PVR this show OVER other monday night shows?

and 6. I may be wrong, but is this the ONLY reality show, with a prize, that requires NO strategy to win?

Maybe if I explain myself, these revelations won’t seem so wrong and out of left field. Or, maybe you share some of my new opinions of this show. Let’s work this out together shall we?

1. After Gia left, Wes looked like a defeated guy. No swagger. When he left Gillian, he had his game face on and went into the local cantina for some new lady-lovin. In last night’s episode, he defended his relationship with Gia, defended himself after being called a nasty name by Dave, and continued to wheel-and-deal to save his behind. I see a reunion later on…the Gia and Wes love saga aint over my friends.

2. Tenley Tenley Tenley. What more can I say about this girl. She runs around like the girl with the sparkly barettes and neon-pink hoola hoop at the playground. Making friends, tagging boys, and making ice cream sundaes! yayyy! She ‘likes’ Kypton…but Kypton isnt quite there. Ladies, she is unfortunately acting as a stereotype for why men and women often fail in relationships. Men think one thing at it’s basic level.

E.g:
Men: we are going ziplining.cool.
Women: He is supporting me, giving me courage and proving that he will be there for me through the highs and lows.

3. Kypton is a classic example of the guys we fall for, but will cry about for weeks after the break up. Here’s why. He seems nice. He wears his nice face, he has a job, he is outwardly concerned for your well-being, he isnt abrasively cruel to anyone, he doesnt bench-press 250 pounds, he wears a suit very well, and he looks like he loves his mother. But the truth in this case, is that he uses all that to his advantage. He totally copped a date out of Tenley, gave her some nice kissin, wine and dine,  and fantasy suite lovin’…but made her promise to “stay at a distance” at the house, you know, for the purpose of the game. right.

4. Yes, I felt bad for Natalie after being called a bridesmaid and never a bride. But here’s why. She knows that it is uninteresting to portray yourself as a person who just wants a family, and a husband and peanut butter sandwiches. She would never get a ‘job’ in this town, and would never get a guy’s attention, and would not get to show off her ‘money-makers’. I feel bad about that reality, but it is, indeed, a reality.

5. and 6. This show is getting good. As soon as it turned that corner, and became the show it was supposed to be…a smutty version of Big Brother with cast-offs. Once I got my head around the fact that strategy plays no pressing role, and that the changing state of each persons relationships would actually be the focus, I surrendered.

So surrender with me. Wes and Gwen are gone… the couples are taking over, but will the relationships last long enough for them to win it all?

Gone are the Twister games and Pie Eating contests. Childs play. This show was made to make people squirm a little and create (produce…) drama for mundane monday nights.

Last night, it finally shed it’s outer layer, and got right to the good stuff. Such as make out competitions (full tongue required), Topless pools (nudity desired but not required …) and fantasy suites (not just for talking about the game…fyi).

Myabe the premise fooled a few contestants before they showed up to compete. This is NOT a game show. This is a ticking time bomb of love making, where the best lovers win. So, when the ‘kissing competition’ started to heat up, there were a few who couldnt take the burn. For example, the girl who entered WITH a boyfriend at home…watching the show with the rest of us. Gia was torn between fidelity and game-play, and tearfully had to bow out. The school-teacher also opted to sit out, for pride’s sake. Really?! You still have a shred of pride left? You’re on the Bachelor Pad. Sharing a hot tub with The Weather Man. ‘Nuff said.

Moving on… The big galoot Dave (Jillians season) won the contest on the mens side, and Peyton (the southern blonde…or one of them.) took it for the ladies.

Dave’s date consisted of a flight to Vegas where, contrary to popular opinion, there are other things to do other than hit the strip or gamble whatsoever. (??!!) The producers did some digging, and found a topless pool to rent out for the night …no pressure. There’s always that ONE girl who will unstring her bikini on a dime for the attention (and the rose), and it never fails…they always get the attention AND the rose! So another couple emerges: Dave and Natalie

Peytons date was totally catered to the boys. A race track  where they got to drive fast cars and eat ‘street meat’ (sounds like…super fun). Of the 3  boys she took, 2 were ‘attached’ to other ladies in the house…so the obvious decision is to take the ‘single-ish’ guy (Jesse B)  to the fantasy suite. Voila, another couple is formed.

Question: Is anyone left actually ‘a bachelor’ anymore?

So back at the house, Wes is still trying to sell tracks on iTunes and serenades Gia with an old favourite (not something from his new album…) “Love dont come easy” (it’ll be in your head all day now…sorry!)

At the Rose ceremony, it went down pretty much exactly how it was determined within the first 5 minutes of the episode. The Weatherman and Gia go home.

So the ‘undesirable’ and the ‘untouchable’ leave, now all is fair in love and war…and there will be alot of lovin’ and alot of war in the coming weeks. Guaranteed

When the blondes who had developed curves over the summer, came in with their perfectly tanned bodies, cute size 2 minis, a gaggle of girls behind them and new boy toy on their arms… and you just KNEW (and so did they…), that they were going to rule the school that year.

wow, it makes me turn and pretend to search through my locker just thinking about it.

Tonight on the Bachelor Pad…nothing has changed. Those same girls, are still ruling their roost. Wherever that roost may be…they rule it. But jsut like watching those girls and their equally impressively disconnected guys trying to figure out their homework assignments…it is pointless for them to even TRY and talk strategy with anyone (with a job outside of retail or waitressing).

So it takes the ‘others’, the ‘outsiders’ to figure out, brains will trump beauty once in a blue moon, and it just may be the perfect time to use what got them through highschool. A common bond. Jealousy and haunting memories of youthful yore.

Cue Gia. The ‘hands off’ girl trying to plan prom. In this case, trying to formulate a plan for the ‘others’. There is power in numbers, and power in the idea that you might be able to exact revenge. If someone had offered me a chance to knock the crown off the Homecoming Queen… I wouldve jumped at the opportunity, however it was presented.

But Gia is a girl, and we tend to use emotion over rationality…if the guys eyes are dark enough, voice is soft enough and guitar is acoustic enough. She was so close to actually seeing ‘the plan’ through. ( not an easy task with the dunces she’s got working with her. seriously). She mapped out ‘the plan’ to the Weather Man…who chose to go with his own gut. (note: guys, you always think you have a good read on girls… in reality, you do not. We know eachother way better than you ever will. fact.) Gia intended to give the rose to Craig (the hated Canadian), but one look deep into Wes’ eyes was the end of that game plan. Sigh… I’d love to say I wouldve stuck with my gut, but I’m only human.

This will prove to be a major development at the Rose Ceremony.

jump to…the rose ceremony ( what happened in between is irrelevant, think hot tubs and pillow talk)

Long conversations about who’s relationship is more ‘legit’ in this game between Elizabeth and Kovacs (clearly an abusive one, controlled by the crazy trophy girl) and Tenley and Kipton (the all american couple…) It was a bone of contention and provided some highly entertaining fodder back and forth.

But due to Gia’s false step…she was incapable of ousting any of the ‘cool guys’. Canadian Craig goes home. On the girls side, chalk one for the outsiders as Canadian Jessi runs her mouth too much to keep her around.

Bad night for the canadian contestants…but they did, as always, provide the bulk of the drama.

Questions remain: Will Gia fall for Wes and ditch her at home man? Will the Weather Man EVER be cool? When will Kypton and Tenley hook up? And will someone please tell me why the Bachlelor franchise has reunion cruises and doesnt just bring the cameras along instead of creating an entirely new show?

Dear friends (we’re friends, right?),

I know you’ve been hurt before. You cried and you wallowed. You ruminated about how you let this happen… You swore you would prevent it from happening again. And I know, you heeded the advice of every self-help book, talk show host, women’s magazine, and well-meaning friend. They told you that your priorities were wrong. I know.

Happiness starts with you!

You don’t need a man to feel fulfilled!

Create your own destiny!

You can achieve anything you put your mind to!

All true by the way. And I know, you are a determined individual. Being single was lonely and you wanted to fill the void. But you got hurt the last time you tried to do that. So you found something else. Actually a lot of something elses. And you threw yourself into it with all the fervor, energy, and passion that you previously held for love.

And, friend, you have kicked ass doing it! Every night of the week you’ve got something going on. You’re the chairperson of local Red Cross chapter. You play softball on Tuesday nights. You take your dog jogging on Sunday mornings.  Friday night is a standing night out with friends. You’re in the running for godparent of the year to your little niece.  Life is full. Life is good.

Which is WHY you don’t need to go out looking for a date. Am I right? Surely, you are busy enough, you are out there enough that love will come along when the time is right. So what if all your charity friends are married and living in the suburbs. So what if your co-workers are mostly gay. So what if you see the same people week after week. The worst thing to be, the most shameful thing to be is desperate. After all, only the weak admit to wanting love.

But if you were to, say, try an online dating site or meet someone by sheer chance, I know you wouldn’t be foolish enough to let a stranger interfere with the important things in your life. I know you wouldn’t alter your schedule in any way to make room for someone you hardly know. Someone who’s just as likely to disappoint you. Someone totally unknown and untested. Why on earth would you give that person any preference over all the other stable elements of your life?

I’ll tell you why (you knew that was coming, right?). Because love doesn’t happen overnight. It does not walk into your living room late at night and announce itself. It does not appear gift-wrapped in your favorite boxer shorts. And, brace yourself, it may not look like Zac Efron.

We’re all so careful not to put a man/woman ahead of our own needs. We’re so fierce in defending the protective busy life we’ve built for ourselves. But then we literally make no room for love to come in.

Soulmates don’t start out as soulmates –they start as strangers. Somehow, at some point, you have to make room for one.

There is a middle ground here. You can live a fulfilled life and still leave the door open to love. You can devote a portion of your time to meeting people, dating people, and giving a stranger a shot at perhaps one day becoming a life partner —which is the thing that you’re still (somewhat secretly) hoping to find.

We all want to be lucky in love. Humor me through a metaphor. I like to imagine luck as an exotic wild bird. You can’t hunt it down easily. You can’t order it to land. You certainly can’t schedule it’s arrival. But what you can do is spend a little time building a beautiful nest –making yourself attractive to luck. Don’t neglect it. Stop by and spruce it up once in awhile. One day luck will fly by and see that you’re offering a pretty fabulous place to land.

Love,

Jess of CityGirlsWorld

Sigh…I tell myself there are worse things I could be doing with my (single life) time. But Jersey Shore wasnt on last night.

So, let’s just get right into it shall we? There is a reason why these people are considered the rejects of the Mothership (Bachelor or Bachelorette) program, and it doesnt take long to recognize these “qualities”.

Each person was hand selected to weave something into the dramatic fabric of the show. Clearly, the REAL emotional break downs and petty harangs will occur between the ladies….but will likely be initiated over a guy-issue (that they will MORE than likely be completly oblivious to…)

In tonight’s episode, I could write a novella about the issues each ‘contestant’ (like this show actually HAS a premise/competition factor…) brings with them to the house (“Pad”). But the most interesting thing to comment on, is the difference in dynamic between the sexes. I mean, I knew we were ‘different’…but it’s so apparant when the two genders are forced to intermix.

Here are the gems of wisdom I can impart after watching this episode:

For the Men:

• If you have EVER (even just that ‘one time’) had a relationship…in ANY capacity (a drink, and 1st base counts) with a woman, and then have to see them again. They will take ownership of you. You are property. Why? Because they believe in their heart of hearts, that there was an intimate connection/bond, and once the heart is involved… territory has been marked. Do NOT try to ignore us. There will be tears and really confusing and awkward conversations.
• Women ALWAYS talk. It’s not that we arent trustworthy…but we cannot help but confide in our ladies about our men. The reason is because you do not react in the same “wolf pack” manner that a gaggle of our closest gals will. It’s just not the same. So, if tehre is anything that you DONT want to be shared with ‘the group’… shut it.
• Words are everything to a woman. So rarely does a man say what we want to hear…soemtimes we have to feed to you. But dont worry, we still get satisfaction from hearing you SAY it (even if it’s literally a “repeat after me” arrangement.)

For the Ladies:

• Guys like money. Hey, so do we, but guys actually go on shows like this for MONEY…not to ‘find true love’. It was said more than a few times tonight…”I’ll do whatever it takes to win”. This is why guys love sports so much…it’s about winning, and nothing else. They’ll endure spandex-tight pants, butt slaps and photoshoots to get there…but they’ll do it all for the WIN.
• Wear a bikini. *eyeroll* all you want, but it seems to really go far in these instances.
• Saying you are ‘taken’ is only an initial obstacle. If at any point you give them the ‘ok’ or the sense of affection…game on. You will feel bad about cheating (and cry to all your girlfriends), the guy will feel the rush of the ‘win’ (and buy rounds for all his pals).

So this show is more than just a 2 hour window to eat Crispers in peace…it’s extremely helpful to male and female singles frustrated by their lack of understanding for the opposite sex.

In the end, The whackjob that no one liked (Michelle) and the Ex-boyfriend that the girls formed a female alliance against (Juan) went home with out money or love. Guess which one cared about the money…(read above ladies!)

This is not a GREAT model of the dating pool, but it’s entertaining, and apprantly FULL of insight. I would LOVE to say I won’t continue to waste 2 hours every monday night on this sad, sad excuse for programming. But more than likely, I’ll go crawling back and blame it on the weather.

The woman you are best matched with won’t have a problem with either. Dating is not about convincing someone you are right for them. She just simply won’t care about how old you look now or how young you’ll look in the future. In fact she will love that you are youthful! My suggestion is to stop seeing this is a hurdle in your dating life that you need to overcome. The only thing I would consider is altering your daily wardrobe. I recommend hiring a stylist to go through your closet to bring in more pieces that are representative of a man in his late 30’s. This will help in increasing your confidence in approaching women.